Differently Abled Woman

 

When I was a small kid I used to deeply think why girls/women are treated differently in most aspects. There were times when I wished I could be a man in my next birth. I know stories were my friends used to share with me about how badly they want to do those things that a boy could do. Now I giggle at my old meek thoughts because now I only wish to be a woman in my next birth. This isn’t just about me or my schoolmates, most of the girls out there would’ve at least wondered why they are treated differently. Some may say it’s because girls are really special- a one of a kind angelic and pure. I wonder what makes women so angelic from the rest of the men population!

So when and how a woman is treated differently? Generalizing from my childhood and that of other known facts, treating differently starts from our home. Women are mostly expected to do what they are asked to do so. Indian society blatantly believes that the goodwill of a family depends on the female members of a family. This eventually puts pressure on the girl child growing up in that family. She is always assured that she is vulnerable and hostile. She is always made sure that she always need someone to support her. Being independent is not her thing. When she reaches her puberty stage she has to welcome all the sexual abuses and stares, and must accept that and remain silent because it’s a natural calling in her life. When she is about to reach 18, discussions about her marriage starts (this can happen even when she is at her teens). This is common in our Indian society. Society expects every girl to get married at the “marriageable age” and it is her soulful responsibility to fulfill her parents wish (more of her society’s actually). When she wishes to study and become financially independent before getting married her elders pressurizes her and tells her the clichéd dialogue “you can even study after marriage”. Now I wonder why boys aren’t told the same thing. Boys/Men are expected to acquire a job as soon as they can and this puts pressure on them too. No wonder Indian men are the most affected with mental disorders!!!

When I talked of how a girl is treated differently from a very young age and how her elders push her into their expectations, it’s not just her parents or uncle/aunts are to be completely blamed. It’s the society around that makes the so called norms for girls/women. Lot many things influence these “norm making” for girls/women like cultural beliefs, movies, books, religion, etc. So this is how women are treated differently. This isn’t just the whole. Differentiation is seen everywhere and it spreads like a weed invasion. Differences can be seen at workplaces, educational institutions, office positions and what not even in a mother’s womb!! 

So how should she be brought up? This is purely from my personal opinion and I realized this from my woman journey. Firstly stop gendering at home. I believe home is where one could make the best differences. Gendering at home makes children feel vulnerable. Boys can get the wrong idea like “boys don’t cry” kind of things. So it’s best not to project the child’s gender into every aspect. Just like how a boy is told to be strong and brave, convey the girl child the same rather than giving her the wrong message that she is vulnerable. Tell her that she has to be a girl with opinions and she can make the best decisions. Tell her to focus more on educating herself and choose the career of her choice and make herself financially independent. Tell her she is independent and can make her own choices in her life about marriage, pregnancy, money, likes/dislikes etc. Tell her that marriage is her choice and she can choose that partner she wishes too. Tell her that pregnancy and motherhood isn’t the thing that makes her a complete woman as most people believe. Last but not the least she should be told that she is always special not because someone treats her as special but because she is always true to herself.

These things not only apply to girl/women but to all those people out there who are trying to fit inside this world. I always believe in human races rather than genders. Therefore I believe in humanism more than feminism. That’s why I’m a humanist rather than a feminist. Humanism is spreading love, compassion, empathy, freedom, equality and peace to all living creations on this planet. Hence, every creature in this world deserves the best.

Written by : Shilpa John

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